Old Cranks Hall of Fame
Old Cars. Old Friends. New Memories.
Meet the characters who represent everything we love about old cars, questionable decisions, loud engines and being just a little bit cranky.
Old Crank #01
Grampshaft
Veteran V8
He's been turning longer than most of these kids have been alive. Doesn't trust computers, fuel injection, or anybody who says "they don't make them like they used to."
Crankiness 98%
Torque 440 lb-ft
Patience 4 RPM
Experience 60+ Years
"Get that computer away from my carburetor."
Old Crank #02
Torque Turner
Heavy Hauler
Built like a bulldozer and twice as stubborn. He doesn't accelerate quickly. He simply eventually gets where he's going.
Crankiness 91%
Torque 510 lb-ft
Speed Eventually
Attitude Maximum
"I don't need more horsepower. I need less nonsense."
Old Crank #03
Rusty Rodger
Lifelong Hot Rodder
His project car has been "almost finished" since 1997. Nobody has actually seen it run, but everyone has heard the story.
Crankiness 87%
Projects 7
Finished 0
Excuses ∞
"It's almost done. I just need one more part."
Old Crank #04
Sir Cranks-A-Lot
Distinguished Gentleman
Proper manners. Excellent mechanical knowledge. Absolutely no tolerance for people who use adjustable wrenches backwards.
Crankiness 84%
Manners 100%
Tool Knowledge 99%
Tolerance 2%
"I say, that's quite enough of that."
Old Crank #05
Crank Sinatra
Smooth Cruiser
Cool, polished and absolutely convinced that everything was better back in his day.
Crankiness 79%
Style 100%
Cruising 9/10
Cool 97%
"I did it my way. And your way is wrong."
Old Crank #06
Piston Pete
Garage Rat
Lives in the garage. Sleeps in the garage. Somehow still can't find the 10mm socket.
Crankiness 93%
Garage Time 24/7
10mm Sockets 0
Beer Required
"Who moved my tools?"
Old Crank #07
Torqueasaurus Rex
Big Block Beast
A prehistoric pile of torque that believes fuel economy is a conspiracy invented by people who don't know how to have fun.
Crankiness 97%
Torque 600+
Fuel Economy LOL
Noise LOUD
"MPG? Never heard of it."
Old Crank #08
Crankopotamus
Shop Tank
Large. Heavy. Slow. Surprisingly difficult to move once parked.
Crankiness 95%
Mass HUGE
Parking Spaces 3
Mobility Limited
"I parked here first."
Old Crank #09
Rusty Bolt
V8 Philosopher
Nobody asked for his opinion. He gave it anyway. And somehow he's usually right.
Crankiness 89%
Opinions ∞
Experience Maximum
Advice Unsolicited
"Back when I was your age..."